I really want to write out all my feelings about the past week before they are gone from my memory, and too foggy to recall.
The past few days have been a bit of a sleepless blur.
A beautiful, peaceful, emotional, sleepless blur.
Annie joined our family on Tuesday morning and forever changed our lives.
She was born at 3:16am, Tuesday December 18.
A gorgeous baby girl weighing 8.13lbs and 20.5 inchs long.
When I think about that night, the pain, tears, fear, frustration, anticipation, joy, bliss, I can't help but think about the amazing miracle a new born is. The whole 10 month process, from start to finish is so amazing, and is one of the biggest reminders to me that God has a plan, and it is perfect and it includes all of us.
The fact that she is here now, sleeping beside me as I write this, and only 4 days ago I was keeping her safe and nurturing her inside me blows my mind. What a beautiful gift birth is.
My labor and delivery this time was so different than the last time.
This time I had midwives. I can't say enough amazing things about midwifery care, and how much more I enjoyed my prenatal care with them opposed to with a doctor like last time.
I was determined to do this delivery without an epidural.
I had one with Tenley, and I can honestly say it was great! I was able to sleep, and feel no pain for the majority of my labor.
But like I said, I was determined to go without this time, because I knew my body was capable of doing it on its own.
I remember sitting in the birthing tub, thinking there was no possible way I could take anymore pain and screaming out for that epidural. (I was 10cm dilated at that point so it couldn't happen anyways)
I know that any way a women gives birth is amazingly strong, but doing it without an epidural this time gave me such a sense of accomplishment. Like since i had done that on my own,I could literally do anything.
I delivered Annie in the birthing tub, and Adam actually delivered her! It was amazing to share that with him, and have him lay her on my chest.
Even though this was the hardest thing I have ever done, I would do it a million times over knowing Annie was the end result.
I was only in the hospital for a total of 5 hours. She was born an hour after we arrived, and we were sent home 4 hours later. It was awesome! No sitting around in post pardum for 24 hours, in an uncomfortable bed, forced to eat yucky hospital food. We had left the house that night to have a baby while Tenley was asleep, and we got home with a baby in hand before she had even woken up.
Im so happy with our family of 4.
I love being able to say "the girlS"
I love seeing Tenley light up when Annie is in the room.
I love seeing my big strong husband hold our tiny girl and suddenly he melts.
Or even better, when he's holding them both and I see so much love in his eyes for his girls.
I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude and love right now, my heart might burst.
Although the lack of sleep is starting to take a toll on me, I know it's only temporary.
The sad part is, rocking Annie to sleep at night, getting up to feed her, comforting her, those things are temporary too.
In the middle of the night, those things are hard to remember, but I really want to soak up every minute of her incredible innocence and newborn-ness (?)
Having an extremely independent 2 year old has reminded me that these things won't last forever.
Being Tenley and Annie's mom is the greatest blessing. I am so lucky to be able to raise these sweet girls with Adam, and to Grow and become a better person for them and because of them.
I love my family so much, and am thankful everyday for the gifts they are to me.