Almost Birthday

Tomorrow is my baby's birthday

It seems unreal that an entire year has gone by.
I cant help but reflect, and think about the miracle of birth.

In one short year, my life changed in the best way possible.

Tomorrow will be bitter sweet in a way.
I'm excited to celebrate the amazing little girl that she is, and to enjoy time with friends and family, but the thought of her first birthday makes me wish I could pause this moment in time, and have her stay my baby forever.

She makes me strive to be a better person.
To think of others before myself.
She has taught me unconditional love.
Through her I have learned to not sweat the small stuff.
That a smile can change your entire day.
She reminds me everyday that quality time together is irreplaceable.

I never knew I was capable of this kind of love.
She has changed me.
And no words can describe the love I feel for this sweet spirit.

Im excited for the future, and for the endless possibilities it brings.

Happy ALMOST birthday to my Tenley Joy.

Balance

Sometimes as parents, its hard to believe (or remember) that you were ever anything else.
Sometimes I forget that at one point it was just me and Adam.
That was before bottles, and poop, and a crying baby.
There was a time where we could walk out the door at the drop of a hat and not worry if we were forgetting anything.
When leaving the house didn't include going through my mental list of bringing a diaper bag full of everything Tenley might need in case of any kind of emergency.
Has she had enough to eat so that she is content for these few errands?
Do I have a soother? or two or three incase she drops one on the ground?
Did I pack her an extra sweater incase it gets cold in the next few hours?
Did I grab the cheerios for her to snack on?
Do i have enough diapers? Wipes?

By now, its like no other routine ever existed.
Like I was never anything other than a mom.
Its hard to imagine that there was a time where I got ready and looked nice EVERY day. (i probably wear sweats far more often than my husband would like)
And there was a time where I NEVER would have had a cheerio or two stuck to my bum... These days thats not an unlikely occurrence.

Tonight was precious to me.
Adam and I went out and I was reminded that Im not JUST a mom.
Im a wife, and a best friend, and those are things I cant forget along this journey of motherhood.
Adam and I went on a simple date tonight. Not even a planned date necessarily, but we decided to go the driving range on this beautiful afternoon. It was so fun to just be goofy, and play around.
Then we dropped Tenley off at my sisters house and went out for wing night.
It was simple and wonderful.
Tonight reminded me of the months Adam and I had falling in love and how special that time in my life is to me.
The best part of it is, when Adam and I are out on a date, just the two of us, I still get those same butterflies in my tummy just like I did when we were dating. But now we get to go home together, and go snuggle our baby girl when the night is over.

So now my quest is balance.
Im afraid i've lost mine.
To find myself again in this journey, but to first and foremost be the absolute best mommy I can be to my sweet girl.
I have decided the need to bring things back into my life that are just for ME. As a mom, we tend to think of everyone else first.
So first order of business, I'm remodeling a toy box I bought on kijiji for super cheap.
if it turns out anything like I'm envisioning, I may even blog about it....

Just a thought

"You are the trip I didn't take,
You are the pearls I cannot buy.
You are my blue Italian lake,
You are my piece of foreign sky."
-Anne Campbell












Being your momma, is an honor and a privlidge.
Anything else just wouldn't seem right.
Thank you for all the beautiful memories, and for the countless ones to come.
I wouldn't trade this time with you for the world!

Happy Birthday Adam!

This is the second year in a row that Adam and I are apart on his birthday. Which is super sad because birthdays are pretty much my favourite thing.
EVER.
Last year i didnt make his actual birthday very special because I thought we would just celebrate it when he came back. And we did, but I still feel bad that he didnt have anything to open on his birthday. bad wife.
So this year I had to think a little outside the box and figure out how I could get something to his hotel room in Prince Rupert BC. Im so happy with out these turned out, and thought it would be a nice gift for him to "open" on the day of his birth- The other parts of his present I will give to him when hes back home. But for now, here is mine and Tenleys way of saying happy birthday, and a few words about why I love him so much!



As i look back on my life, I cant help but realize its all been preparing me for you.
Everything good or bad, has brought me here, to this life we share.
I used to pray at night, that God would protect "you" and keep you safe until one day I would be able to take over. I didn't know who "you" were, but my heart was preparing me for a love only found in fairy tales.
When I met you, I knew my prayers had been answered.
You are far more than I deserve, and more than my wildest dreams could have dreamt.
Thank you for bringing laughter, joy, wonder, happiness, spontaneity, and love into my life.
You make each day worth living.
Your laugh and your smile light up my world.
Thank you for loving me even in my darkest hours.
And Adam, thank you for being born!
Thanks for making my life wonderful, and for giving me the greatest gift of all.
You my love, are one in a million.

Tenley and I had these birthday pictures taken for you, and we hope you love them!
xox












WE LOVE YOU, and cant wait till you're home.

Ergo Cocoon

Tenley will be 9 months next week!
How did this happen? I seriously feel like i just brought her home.

But with that said, I have swaddled her since the day she was born, and still swaddle her every nap, and every night.
Shes severely addicted.
She is QUITE OCD when it comes to her sleep habits, which is good and bad I suppose.
She can be super wired and playful, but the second I swaddle that girl up, she knows its nap time, and falls asleep in minutes.
But really, there is no way she will fall asleep without it (unless she falls asleep in her car seat which JUST started happening since our road trip from Winnipeg to Calgary)
I tried her in a sleep sack, and let me tell you it was a traumatic experience for her.
She just cried and cried and then when i went in to see her she would look at me like "mom, how could you do this to me?"
Everyday it gets harder and harder to swaddle her, because she fights it. She hates getting all wrapped up in her straight jacket, but its the only way she will sleep!
Today I found what I hope is the solution to my swaddling-a-9-month-old-baby problem.
its called the Ergo Cocoon.
so its a zip up baby swaddle that slowly converts into a sleep sac as the baby is ready.
AH-mazing

http://www.ergopouch.com.au/swaddle.html
(please excuse me if you all have heard of this and I'm totally out of the loop. It happens.)

So i will try it out today, and she how she likes it, and report back.

Any moms out there have a solution to their baby addicted to the swaddle problem? Cause at this rate i will be doing it till shes 10.

Baby Talk

Lately, a lot of my friends have been having babies or getting pregnant.
So obviously all this baby talk has got me thinking...
Iv been thinking about how soon I want to hop back on the pregnancy train, and about how much I really enjoyed being pregnant!
i know, i know, my baby is still VERY much a baby, and at 9 months old maybe i shouldn't be thinking about an already new addition, but its hard not to!
Adam and I always said that 2 years is a good amount of time in between children. That way, they are close enough in age to HOPEFULLY be really good friends, they aren't too far apart where they will never WANT to be friends, I feel i can most likely handle an infant and a 2 year old, and that way I will be done having kids at a young age, and have lots of time to spend with them :)
Ok, so 2 years apart means that I should be pregnant by February... ummm excuse me?! that sounds way too soon...

After "doing the math" i figured I really have to relax about this whole thing... that maybe it doesn't have to be like clock work, and i need to just let it happen when it feels right for my little family.
NOT because my calendar says so.
So maybe i will be pregnant in February.
Who knows.
But maybe It will take a few years, and thats ok too. Because right now, all i want to do is enjoy this sweet baby I have, and keep her a baby as long as possible.
Making her a big sister just about blows my mind at this point, and Im not quite really for that kind of mind blowing.

Long distance love

In less than a week Adam leaves for a whole month!!
Crazy, right?
Thinking about it makes me think of all the ways I can possibly stop him from leaving, but I know it inevitable.
For example, maybe I can be "running a little late" and he misses his flight??
Probably not tho.
So this week I'll be stealing extra cuddles, hugs and kisses, and soaking in every minute with my love.
How did I EVER live 20 years without him?

Sometimes, it's ok to...

Iv been on a blogging hiatus.
Perhaps its been the writters block.
Or maybe it was from lack of stories from my all too boring life over the past 6 weeks.
This month has been eye opening for me.
I have learned a lot about myself, as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend.

I have learned to cherish EVERY moment with Adam, in this life we have chosen together and created. That being there for him, and supporting him in everything he does is my goal and an amazing opportunity that i have as a wife of a very driven man. He is constantly trying to improve himself, and works so hard for the life we have, and i am BLESSED to be there every step of the way, walking by his side. I dont want to take any moment of this life with him for granted. Being apart from him Makes my heart ache, which is why I'm dreading this upcoming week, and wish I could stop this moment in time.... Pause.
Ahhh, wouldn't that be awesome?!

I have had a new awakening in motherhood. And I am admitting that it's HARD, and I don't know how some people do it on their own, and that somedays I cry and breakdown.
But that's ok.
Because being a mom is the hardest thing I'll ever do, and also the most amazing. It has shaped my life and made me a new person.
It has challenged me, and sometimes I feel that I fall short of these challenges.
But at the end of the day, i have tried my best, and I and (every mother) should give themselves more credit.
Because I would go to the ends of the earth for this baby girl.

So when I think of these last "boring" 6 weeks, I can't say I haven't learned anything.
I guess my biggest challenge has been admitting to myself that I can't do it all, and that I'm not meant to. Certain people were put into my life to go through all these experiences with me.
So let them in!

We all have a story

**i have posted this, taken it down, re-posted it, taken it down, and now i am posting it again... we'll see how long it stays up. I read on one of my favourite blogs, that the most honest blogs make the best blogs... i want to be honest and share this. In a way, i hold on to some of these painful memories and posting this is very freeing**

I have been contemplating telling "my story" for a while now.
I dont even know if anyone cares to hear my story.
but one reason I started this blog was to have a way to express myself, and to share my feelings with those who matter most to me.

Obviously im Mormon. Born and raised.
But through my teen years, church was not a priority.
I made everything OTHER than church, religion, and faith, my main priority.
For some reason, friends, boyfriends, parties, staying out late, and all things bad for me were what i cared about.
I couldn't see the big picture.
I couldn't see how my choices then, would affect me now.

After moving to Calgary about 4 years ago, I was having a great time living away from home, with no one to answer to but myself.
My life spun into a terrible disaster when I met a guy and started dating him seriously in the spring/summer of '08.
He was wrong for me in every way, and im sure of it, that i was wrong for him.
The relationship was doomed from the start. The name calling, obsessive control over my every move, and verbal abuse started very soon after this poisonous relationship had begun.
It was clear to everyone and to me, that this was bad for the both of us. But his charm, and goofy, funny side won me over every time there was a fight. I couldn't let go of this person i was certain I could "fix."
The months went on and so did the yelling, and the fighting.
Nothing i did was ever good enough.
I would apologize for things like HIM going through MY emails and finding letters from old boyfriends, or for talking on the phone with people he didn't approve of.
I can't explain it, but the worse it got between us, and the more things he would blame me for, made it impossible for me to end things. He was very good at turning every thing on me.
Like I was the problem.
Like I pushed him so far, and thats why called me the "C" word
or tell me i was worthless, uneducated, "uncultured" as he reminded me time and time again.
Then he would say how sorry he was, and that he loved me and couldn't live without me. thats when he would spread on his charm like butter.
And I believed him that it would never happen again.
All those years in my teens where I had put on a show, and pretended to be someone i absolutely was not, made for low self esteem and self worth. So when faced with a toxic relationship, I didnt know how to walk away from someone who so clearly needed me, to even breath... thats what he had me thinking anyways.
Things got so bad, and i became an emotional basket case.
Relationships with my friends and family were shot, and I felt hopeless.
Things in my life needed to change, and it wasn't just this relationship i had to let go of.

( im not writing this to throw him under the bus. i wish him well. im writing this more to say thank you. Had those circumstances not happened in my life, i have no idea if i would have searched for more meaning or purpose. He made me realize things were missing in my life, and so for that i thank him)

Shortly after the millionth breakup, I got a book in the mail from my parents called "Believing Christ" and although i wasn't going to church at the time, they knew what i needed to hear. They were right on the money.
I wish i could tell you what i read that stuck out to me, or a profound sentence that made me realize my life was about to change, but i can't.
All I could do was get on my knees and pray.
Pray for comfort
Pray for forgiveness
Pray for strength
and Pray that somehow I would know how to start over. That someone, or something would come into my life and give me hope again.
That prayer seemed to last for hours...


A few days later I got a knock on my door from the missionaries from my YSA ward that i was supposed to be attending.
Of course i wasn't, so im sure there were coming to check up on all the names of people they had noticed not coming to church.
They were the answer to my prayers. I TRULY believe that.
I told them i was fine, and brushed them off because I was literally in shock.

They left me with a card, with their names and number on it, incase i needed anything.

I could not get them out of my mind, and a few hours later i called them and asked them if they would come chat with me for a while. They agreed, and that night we met and i laid it all on the line. I told them of my struggles, I told them how scared i was, and how i feared i could never be forgiven. I told them I wanted to get married in the Temple to a good man more than anything in this world.

Clay and Eric saved me that day.
I believe that with my whole heart.
They were and still are my angels.
My life has been forever changed because they chose to listen to the sprit, and knock on my door.
They are dear to my heart, and its because of them, my Heavenly Father, and the spirit that I am sealed to the man of my dreams in the Temple.
I dont know if Clay and Eric realize the great love I have for them, but I am grateful they are in my life.

We all have a story.
A story of how we got to where we are today.
Mine was filled with bumps and trials, just like every one else.
Its crazy to me, how when we put our faith in the lord how he will bless us beyond anything we could have ever imagined. It amazes me how he knows us so well.

Because 3 short months after I "started over" i met Adam. Had i met him even just 4 months earlier, I would have a much different ending to my story.
The lord prepared me to meet Adam, and put us in the right place, at the right time.

Whatever brought me to this place in my life, good or bad, im grateful.
I feel so blessed everyday

Sundays are the BEST days

Oh Sunday how I love you.

Yesterday was pretty much a perfect day. It was simple, not busy, relaxing, and I spent it with my favourite people - the hubs and the babe.

With this crazy life we live each summer, Sundays are so precious to me and I want to savor every moment.
Not everyone knows why we leave Calgary every summer and go to random places so let me explain.
Adam works for Vivint. The best company ever, and I am BEYOND grateful for the opportunity we have to be a part of it. He is a door to door sales man, and hes amazing at it. He is a manager, and sells Home security, or "Home Automation" as they now call it, but really, what is that? So home security it is. For us, its a year round job, but the program is run mostly in the summer months, and our office is "relocated" every summer. The draft is in the beginning of the year, so in January we find out where our home will be from april-september. Its the hardest job in the world, and its stressful, and emotional, and crazy.
I know door to door guys have a bad rap, but seriously people, I couldn't LIVE without my alarm. So if he knocks on your door, let him in cause hes really cool, and your bound to love him too.



This is us when I sold a few years ago.

Sidenote: Adam recently got an email from the CEO of Vivint saying how an older man he sold last year in Halifax was SAVED from his Medical Pendant after a fall down his stairs, and how grateful he was for Adam and for Vivint. When Adam goes out knocking doors everyday, I know hes doing good work, but its great to hear that a service he has provided has really helped someone else. Its such a good feeling :)
Horray Adam!!!

Anyways, hubs is gone a lot, and we dont get to spend too much time together during these months, but its a pretty good trade off since I get him home with me the other 8 months of the year, and dont have to share him with anyone! ha!

Right now hes working morning to night, weekends and holidays, and even when hes home, lets face it, hes working. (but we're working on that)
During the week, we spend about 2 hours together in the morning, and he doesnt get home til around 11pm at the earliest! so our time together is obviously limited. Saturdays are super long, as he leaves the house at 8:15am and again, i dont see him until 11pm.
So now you see why I LOVE and cherish Sundays. We spent the day at church, then went for a nice walk along the Assinabione River, and a little drive around Winnipeg, where adam showed me all the sketchy places in the North. FUN! Seriously, it was just what I needed to recharge, and get ready for the next 9 weeks here. I can honestly say that the last 9 weeks have sailed by, and I hope the second half goes by just as fast. I MISS CALGARY! and I MISS MY HOUSE! I really dont care where I live as long as its with Adam, but the more places we move to, the more I appreciate and love Calgary.
So here we go again. Another week.
Is it Sunday yet?

I have a best friend

I have a best friend
Shes a great listener.
Keeps all my secrets (and I tell her all of them)
She thinks im pretty funny, and laughs at ALL my jokes.
Shes always up for going anywhere I want to and usually doesn't complain.
You might not want to cross her when shes tired- she might yell at you, but she means well.
When Im sad, she makes me happy.
Shes constantly making me smile.
She can be a little needy, but all she needs is a little love.

Shes 6 months old, and I adore her.

My best friend and I spend a lot of time together. tons actually. All day everyday its just the two of us.
Sometimes I complain about not getting any time to myself, or I talk about how HARD it is to run a simple errand now.
But today when I was rocking my baby to sleep, all this emotion swept over me and all I could do was cry. Tears of absolute JOY of course. I didn't want to put her down, or ever let her go.
I started thinking about how amazingly blessed I am to have her here with me, all day, everyday. She is now what i live for, and I wouldnt have it any other way. I think of all the deserving mothers who maybe cant have little ones, or the parents who have lost their children to unfortunate events, and my heart breaks for them.
Tenley is my miracle, and I hope to never take her for granted.
So give me all the dirty diapers, the barf on my new shirt, the 3am feeds. Ill take it all. Because I cant live without her.
That infectious smile, those CHUBBY knees, her giant laugh, the way she gently moves her hand across my face, studying it so closely as I feed her. That little tongue that makes an appearance when shes concentrating hard on something, the songs she sings when shes laying in her crib, all by herself, the way she rolls her ankles and moves her feet. I couldn't live without any of it.
So even if HER best friend is a little Giraffe named Sophie, I love my sweet baby, and she will always be my best friend.

fathers day

With yesterday being fathers day, i thought id tell you about the great men and fathers in my life.
I missed my dad yesterday. well I miss him everyday, but especially on a day dedicated to him.
My dad is so kind and full of so much love.
He is SO caring and gentle, and loves his children.
My Dad is hard working. maybe a little too hard working.
The way he loves my mom is so admirable, and adorable, and because of him I have always had extremely high standards of what a husband and father should be like.
I am so glad that I have SO many wonderful memories of just me and my dad.
When I was younger, my dad was my baseball coach, and he was always so involved in whatever it was that I wanted to do.
I was a competitive swimmer growing up and my dad was my BIGGEST fan. He drove me to early morning practice, late night practice, and every swim meet. I dont know if he ever missed even one. I could always count on him being there in the stands cheering me on, and being RIGHT there after my race to hand me my gatorade, water and crackers.

One of the memories I hold most dear is baking his famous chocolate chip cookies, and listening to Rubber Soul. Him and I always did that together. I can remember dancing around and singing "drive my car" or "michelle" or "you wont see me" and in those moments I felt like I was the only girl in my daddys world. Looking back, im not sure if he did that with all my sisters, but its definitely MY memory, and in my head, that is something that only him and I share.
Although there were a few years that I drove him absolutely crazy, and was probably the cause of the majority of his baldness, he has never stopped loving me, and for that I thank him.


Everyday I wake up and have to pinch myself when I see my amazing husband laying there beside me. I am one lucky girl, and my daughter has an amazing dad. From the day Tenley was born, she and Adam had an amazing connection, that anyone who spent any time around the both of them could see. He loves her so much, and my favourite thing in the world is when I get to watch them together. oh, and I sware she is already a daddys girl. She cant take her eyes off of Adam when he walks in the room, and smiles ear to ear when hes around.
Adam works so hard for our family and I know that everything he does, he does it for us. Tenley and all our other future kiddies will have a father who adores them, makes them laugh, encourage them to reach for the stars, and they undoubtedly will have him wrapped around their little fingers.
I cant wait for our kids to create wonderful memories with Adam, and grow up wanting to be just like him.
I am so thankful to my mother and father in law for raising a man who respects women, loves others, is not quick to judge, has a sense of humor, is hard working, humble, who loves to serve others, has tremendous faith, forgiving, and has a heart of gold.
I dont know how I ever lived my life without him, and I feel so blessed that we get to spend eternity together.




So heres to great men, and celebrating their greatness everyday.

confessions

I always tell people how great a sleeper my little Tenley is. Which is true to a certain extent.... she (usually) sleeps all night through, and I`m so grateful for that, but the thing i dont usually share is that it takes me forever to GET her to sleep, and all of the `props`i have used to get her there.

When she was first born, and I was sleep deprived, coupled with PP depression, I would do anything, and use anything to get her to stay asleep. That means, she now feeds to sleep, and she also sleeps IN her swing every night. I hate admitting that, but at the time when the only thing i needed was a few minutes to myself, that swing was my BEST friend.
I have now created a monster.. a really cute monster.
Once she is asleep, she will stay asleep all night for the most part, but lately it has been taking me 6-8 attemps, lasting hours upon hours to actually get her to fall asleep. I know she is dead tired, but the poor girl just cant fall asleep on her own. She is now at the point where taking the bottle out of her mouth wakes her. Great... now what!!
Its getting to the point where from 8-11pm I am trying to put an exhausted little girl to bed, and when Adam gets home from a long day of work, im miserable,exhausted, frustrated and probably very unpleasant to be around.
So last week I decided to let my sweet baby cry it out. I have wrestled with this idea for weeks now, but for my own sanity I had to do it. I have to start letting her fall asleep on her own, and definitely get her out of the swing.
So last week I let her CIO and I lasted a whole 45 minutes before i couldnt take it anymore, and gave in. I had to rescue her from the heart wrenching cries. I FAILED.
Another week went by of the 2-3 hour bed time, and I decided to give CIO another shot. So last night was day 1 of this method. I am happy to say, it went a lot better than i was expecting! I was fully committed this time, and was prepared to listen to her cry for hours... LUCKILY she only cried for 36 minutes! those 36 minutes felt like forever as I cried along with her, and wished I had ear plugs to block out the saddest cries ever. But i survived.
She slept until 6:30 the next morning, and I was so happy to cuddle her and smother her with kisses when I saw her.
Oh yea, shes also sleeping IN HER CRIB!! I couldnt be more happy about that. Most things I have read say that each night the crying lessens more and more, so the fact that she only cried for 36 minutes makes me very hopeful that tonight will be a little better than last night.

what would I do without a good hair stylist?!

You all know what it's like to find a hairdresser you love and then never want to let them go.
I know you do.
Well my dream hairdresser unfortunately lives 3 provinces away from me. :(
I have gone to a bazillion hair dressers in Calgary since I've lived there, and so far no one can do my hair like Johnna. I've been going to her since I was like 14, and she's awesome. Shes one of those stylists you tell all your dirty secrets to, and who knows all your bizz. (not that I have any dirty secrets but if i did, I would totally tell her)
Unfortunately I only get to see her when I go home to Burlington, and I need to get my hair done more than twice a year.
Well the time has come! I'm going home next week and my appointment is BOOKED!
It will be great to catch up with her since the last time I saw her was when she did my hair for my wedding.

dont mind the cheesy '2' in this pic... ugghh



Right now my hair is so weird. I got it done in Calgary right before we moved to the Peg and it's this weird brown/red/blonde. NOT what I asked for.

This is what I asked for


This is what I got.


Ok, so it could be worse, and this picture doesnt show how brown/red/blonde it really is. I just can't wait to have it fixed.
Some of my favourite cuts and colours have come from Johnnas chair, and im excited to have fresh new hair to surprise Adam with when I get back.

She did my hair right before my brother wedding and i loved it.


I need to get back to those platinum blonde roots!!

anyways, Johnna is pretty much the bees knees (thank you rach) and im so excited to have my hair done next week!!
(pictures to follow)

Firsts

As a first time mom, documenting all these little milestones is so much fun for me!
I`v been wanting to give Tenley rice cereal for about a week, but I wanted to make sure Adam was home to see it, and we hardly have any time together so the rice cereal has been put on hold for days. Finally, this morning we all woke up bright and early and gave Tens her first bowl of solids! yayy :)
Sorry if this is just another boring baby post, so ignore it if you dont think shes totally scrumptious trying her cereal for the first time. But I doubt you can ;)

the first bite


it looks like she likes it! I couldn`t get the spoon in her mouth fast enough.




Too bad this picture is so dang blurry!
The cereal seemed to be a success!!



like i said... SEEMED to be a success



All the sudden she just hated it







Ummm no thanks mom!



Anyways, its safe to say, in the end the cereal was not as successful as we thought. We`ll see how tomorrow goes!!

My speghetti squash LOVE

Let me tell you. I.love.spaghetti,squash!!!
I could probably eat it all day, everyday.
I make it alot for dinner ( probably more than adam would like) and I usually prepare it the same way everytime- cooked squash, with an organic tomatoe basil sauce, and sauteed mushrooms... boring? Yes. Easy? Yes. Tasty? Well yeah!
But today I decided to experiment a little. I switched up my spaghetti squash regime! Im usually pretty fearful to try new recipes, because im scared to death that Adam will hate it and think im a bad wife... He always says he loves everything I cook, but I still think the day will come where I try something out of the ordinary, and he will be sick to his stomach for the rest of the night, and suddenly I am no longer a domestic wife... irrational fear I know.
Anyways, my dinner went a little like this.

2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 onion, chopped
4 cloves of garlic, minced
1/2 cup vegetable broth (made from scratch)
1 ear of corn (kernels cut from the cob)
1 whole spaghetti squash
1 tbsp chopped fresh parsley
salt and pepper to taste

OK, im all about easy, quick meals. this is both those things. The squash takes about an hour to cook, but you dont have to watch it, and it takes like 27 seconds to prepare.
So, I tried a new, super healthy recipe, and Adam loved it!! yay! Im always so happy when he legitimately likes my cooking :)

Iv been doing really good at eating healthy. Iv always been a fairly healthy person, but I think im doing really well right now. Im considering going 80% raw, but I have to look a little more into it because im still breastfeeding and I need to make sure I'll be getting enough calories. My brother in law is a health NUT and such an inspiration. He leads a raw food lifestyle and loves it so much. Ill be hittin him up for tips very shortly. Ill stay posted about how the raw diet goes or doesn't go...
Oh cheat! I had a 7-11 slurpee today and it was heavenly.

Crisis Averted!

5.... count them, 5 Iphones!! Thats how many I have gone through in the past 3 years. I have had them stolen, or I break them, but most of the time I just lose them.
I have really bad pregnancy brain, but I think I had it long before I was pregnant.

Today I lost my phone again. Not just misplaced it somewhere in my purse and cant find it, but actually lost it. Or so I thought.
I had gone only two places. I retraced all my steps. Checked all the usual spots where I normally leave my phone and NOTHING. I called it about 32 times from the landline and I was getting no where. Of course my phone is always on silent which doesn't make sense for someone who loses it 10 times a day. I called Adam from the landline and vented all my frustration about how I am the worst phone owner and should never be allowed another phone for as long as I live, and how mad I was that i could not for the LIFE of me think of where it could be. Adam, being the calm and collected of the two of us, says " well we will just have to buy you a new phone. if you think you have looked everywhere, and its no where to be found then theres not much you can do. Hopefully a good samaritan will pick it up and call you back." (since I had called it 32 times) That answer was not what i was looking for. I dont know what I was expecting him to say. Afterall, he has been at work since 9am... how would he know where my phone was?! The current *lost* Iphone has only been in my possession for about 4 weeks, so the thought of throwing another 6 or 7 hundred dollars down the drain was NOT exciting. I decided to call my dad and tell him my sad news... I had to vent to a few more people to get this out of my system.
I had a bright idea, and asked my dad to call my phone for me while I ran out to the car to see if I could hear it vibrating... I had done this like 5 times already but thought it couldn't hurt.
Then voila... my phone was under Tenleys car seat. Im not sure why it was there, but Im not going to question it.
Crisis Averted.
For someone who loses their phone on a daily basis, I sure was over reacting for a better part of the evening. Instantly that yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach was gone and I could relax!!
Im so good at overreacting :)

reunited and it feels so good

Finding JOY in the little things

When you move to a new city and know NO ONE, and your husband is gone 14 hours a day, and you only see him for about 2 hours max each day, things can get boring...fast! Iv had a few hard days, where socializing with someone other than my 5 month old would be heavenly. alas, that is not the case. I have come to appreciate the small things in my day that keep me sane, and make each day here a little better than the last.
On days where im tempted to buy a plane ticket back to Calgary, and hop on the next available flight, these are a few little things I find joy in :)

Vitamin Water 10cal




Hunter Wellies



Fresh Flowers in my house




Drinking Peppermint Tea from cute tea cups

My Life List

here is my life list. a list of 100 things i want to accomplish in my lifetime.
I got this neat idea from one of my favourite blogs

1oo things was REALLY hard to come up with. Sad, i know. It took me quite a while to actually think of things i would LOVE to do. I encourage others to write their own life list, because you will learn so much about yourself.
Mine are in no particular order, but just as they come to me.




1. Travel to Korea with my husband
2. Live in New York City
3. Have a picnic in Central Park
4. Do a Masater Cleanse for two weeks
5. Take a picture of the Mona Lisa, in person... in the Louvre... in Paris... right after I climbed all 1665 steps of the Eiffel Tower.
6. Ride a horse bareback through the ocean (done)
7. Get over my extream fear of horse back riding
8. Take a relaxing vacation with just my sisters
9. Learn how to sew really well
10. Make a quilt for one of my babies
11. Learn how to use my DSLR and take really great photographs
12. Go to Africa and ride on the back of an elephant
13. Attend New York Fashion Week
14. Drive across an entire country
15. Go whale watching and actually see one. or two. or three.
16. Go through the temple with all of my children.
17. Do the make up for a magazine spread
18. Hear my daughters first words
19. Complete a 365.
20. Scuba Diving (CHECK)
21. Grow a vegetable garden in my backyard
22. Have a baby (CHECK)
23. Witness a loved one give birth
24. Own a Boutique
25. Live on a house boat
26. Go to a Temple Dedication
27. Meet a living prophet
28. Make a dress from a REAL pattern
29. Walk down East Hastings Street in Vancouver. (i tried this once before, but chickend out)
30. Dance in the pouring rain with my husband
31. Complete a triathlon.
32. Have a star named after me
33. See a broadway show
34. Meet and talk to Oprah
35. Sky Diving (CHECK)
36. Learn how to surf
37. Live like a local in a place completely foreign to me
38. climb an active volcano
39. Do the Polar Bear swim
40. Go skinny-dipping at midnight in the south of France
41. Send a message in a bottle
42. Find a message in a bottle
43. Fall deeply in love- helplessly and unconditionally (CHECK)
44. Sit on a jury
45. Own a ridiculously expensive pair of shoes
46. Live in a big, old, house in the country, and decorate it exactly how i want
47. Attend a real gospel church
48. Watch my kids succeed
49. Cook a Christmas dinner by myself
50. Sit under a waterfall
51. Become really good friends with a neighbor
52. Serve a mission with my husband
53. Tour the Coliseum
54. Change someones life
55. Watch all of the "Lord of the Rings" movies
56. Go to the Georgia Aquarium- worlds largest
57. Go to Uluru National Park in Australia
58. Vacation to Bora Bora and stay in a hut on the water
59. Catch a fish with my bare hands... which totally freaks me out
60. Learn more about my Family History
61. Take a culinary class
62. Sleep under the stars, not in a tent
63. Make pickled onions for my family
64. Fill my passport
65. Learn to play the piano
66. Make a perfume
67. Do a backflip on a trampoline
68. Enjoy a gondola ride in Venice
69. Donate blood. I have never been able to, but one day hope I can.
70. Go on a Safari in Africa
71. Send my parents on a vacation
72. Help plan a wedding- all the little details
73. plant and grow my own flower garden
74. Make exercising everyday a habit and a joy
75. Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge
76. Go on a one horse open sleigh right
77. Host a dinner party
78. Find the PERFECT red lipstick
79. Visit 20 different temples, and not all in Utah. (8 down, 12 to go)
80. Have a big wrap around porch with a swing, and enjoy it with my husband
81. Ride on Maid of the Mist (CHECK)
82. Stand at the bottom of the Grand Canyon (CHECK)
83. Watch sea turtles hatch
84. Hang off the side of a cable car in San Fran.
85. Ride a bicycle built for two
86. Send 100 handwritten notes
87. Always be a stay at home mom
88. Be on Oprahs Favourite Things show (it obviously cant happen now, but I can still dream)
89. Organize and event for charity
90. Fund another families trip to the temple
91. Take a picture on the Great Wall of China
92. Swim in or step foot in all 5 oceans
93. See a Polar bear (outside of a zoo)
94. Climb a coconut tree
95. Adopt a child
96. Live in a house with a pool so my kids can grow up with one like i did
97. Build a tree house, then spend the night in it.
98. Go to an outdoor concert
99. Attend a Coldplay concert
100. Be content with myself

DONE!
this list took me about 4 days to complete... but im so happy with it. Go ahead and make your own :)

"Every man dies – Not every man really lives.” ~ William Ross

Just Do It

I have to be honest. Since I had my daughter 4, almost 5 months ago, i have struggled. i have struggled with remembering who i am outside of motherhood, i have struggled with trying to be just as good a wife as i was before, i have stuggled with nourishing my friendships, and i have SERIOUSLY struggled with self esteem. As if there isn't enough to worry about when becoming a new mom, like wondering if you're going to be able to handle this massive task, or trying to keep up with all the fantastic, creative mothers around you, now i have to worry about whether or not i will ever be me again.
My daughter is an absolute joy in my life (hence her middle name, Joy) and I could never, in a million years picture my life without this sweet girl.
I had a picture perfect pregnancy, and loved almost every minute of it. (minus the last 3 weeks, because, well the last 3 weeks suck.) The thing about my pregnancy, that i didnt realize then is that i had a HUGE baby bump. like really big. so many people thought i was carrying twins. my unrealistic expectations of getting rid of the baby weight in a month came to a screeching halt when a month had passed and i did not look anything like i did pre baby. So iv had a few melt downs in regard to this. Body image is so terribly hard for me to talk about, as it has haunted me my whole life. So now it begins... it should have begun a while ago, but i think iv been in denial for a few months now. No more putting off, taking off the baby weight. No more sad days wishing my old body would miraculously appear when i wake up in the morning (but how awesome would that be?) Hopefully ill be able to blog about my progress, and im sure that will help with my accountability!
here goes nothing!

favourite things

i have come to love a few new things recently and feel the need to share!!
iv always been into makeup and all things girlie, and iv tried A LOT of different beauty products and have come to find the best of the best!! so here are a few awesome products that are in my makeup bag, and i cant really live without.
i love a great tinted moisturizer. for days when i dont want to wear a heavy foundation i opt for a lightweight tinted moisturizer called Smooth Operator by Tarte. the SPF 20 makes for the right amount of coverage and a great way to get part of your sunscreen fix for the day. Tarte is an organic, natural product line. I love that their products are paraben free, but at the same time, still allows for an even complexion, and a natural look. often Paraben free products dont give great coverage, but i dont find that with the Tarte moisturizer.
My favourite bronzer that i use everyday is called Hoola by Benefit. I love that for my fair skin, it isnt too dark, and there is no shimmer to it, making it look more natural.
My mascara changes all the time, and i usually have 2 or 3 on the go. (which i dont recommend because the life of mascara isn't long, therefor they dry out when you use more than one at a time) but i LOVE Bad Gal Lash also by benefit. I have long lashes but they are very fine, so the GIANT wand helps thicken my eye lashes.
The blush im diggin right now is called CORALista by benefit. its a warm coral pinkish colour, and gives a bit of a dewy, summer look. LOVE!
one more thing i love is my Dr Pepper Lip Smacker. cant live without it, love it love it love it!!
I have so many more favourite things, but this will do for now.

my weekend

We had our first weekend in Winnipeg, and lets say it was less than eventful. Now that this is my 3rd summer as a "Vivint wife" im used to not having Adam around to spend my weekends with. Or weekdays for that matter. So Tenley and I did lots of running around, and figuring out different part of this city. Let me say, nothing here has impressed me yet. Saturday rained all day and would not let up. I needed to do a serious grocery shop, because I had no food in the house, and i felt like a bad wife, sending Adam off to work without a lunch in hand. The rain was horrendous but the shopping couldn't wait. So we left the house, and headed to Superstore... (which i was THRILLED to find one close to our house, because I thought we only had a safeway close by, and I'm completely loyal to superstore.) anyways, I have never gone grocery shopping by myself since Tenley was born. Lucky me right? Adam and I always do the groceries together and I totally took that for granted. How do moms with more than one child do this?! oh well, i survived.
Sunday is my favourite day of the week, because I get Adam all to myself and actually get time to sit and have a conversation that lasts longer than 20 min before we fall asleep at the end of the night. So Sunday Adam and i spent all day together and it was wonderful. We have a few of Adams siblings living in Winnipeg aswell, so i took advantage of the many willing babysitters and handed Tenley off to my sister in law, as we left and scouted out area for next week. I think i have only left Tenley once before, so the whole time we were gone i was pretty paranoid. I didnt want to show that i was thinking about how she was doing the whole time, and just wanted to enjoy the time Adam and I had alone. When we got home, I was so happy to see my baby and that she was very happy with her aunts :)
so here we are... another monday, and another week begins. I dont want this post to come off like im complaining, because im totally not! im so grateful that adam works as hard as he does for these 4 months, and that I get so much time with him the other 8 months of the year.
oh, on another note, im getting rid of this brown hair tomorrow! i cant wait to get back to my blonde "roots"

weddings

So I take it back... sort of. for the past few weeks, all this royal wedding business has been driving me nuts. Every time i turned on the TV there was some lame countdown, or talk about the royal wedding, and i wasn't buying it. Until today. I watched a few highlights of the wedding, and can honestly say it was fun to watch! i absolutely LOVED her dress. she looked like, well, a princess!! the lace and the pleats, and the veil were all so perfect!! She was stunning. And Will looked so handsome in his uniform. It made me think of my wedding, and all the things i would have done differently. Obviously the little things i would change now don't matter, and I loved my wedding day, but i really do wish i had payed more attention to the small details. I was so eager to start our lives together, and ended up throwing a wedding together in like 6 weeks. i didn't do all the things I probably would have liked to, but the important things happened, and now Adam and I are sealed in the temple for eternity, and i wouldn't change that for the world. I can say that im glad that all the royal wedding hype is over, and although the reruns will be showing for weeks, people can now go one with their lives!! i do love weddings, and especially fairy tale endings.

Lost

i really dont like being lost. Since we moved to Winnipeg, I'v had to drive around by myself trying to get to different places, and Im seriously BAD with directions. I cant read a map to save my life, I'm not great with landmarks, and I get extreamly anxious, and I have this irrational fear that I'll never make it home again. So far that hasn't happened. Since being here, I have gone to a few places that should have taken me 20 minutes to get there and it ends up taking me over an hour...you can see why i think im never getting home. Half the time I'm wondering if I'm even in Winnipeg anymore... Theres this amazing and kind of creepy app called Latitude. You add people and actually track EXACTLY where they are. weird right? I think I need to get this so that when I'm lost, I can call people and they can tell me how to get home. A GPS would be a great buy. That is on my list for tomorrow. Now only if I can make it to the Costco without getting lost...

Thats All It Takes

I was having a semi- bad day today. You know when every little thing really gets to you, and everything seems so irritating?? dang, maybe I'm the only one who has those days. Oh well. That was the kind of day I was having. I was getting to the point where I was starting to feel sorry for myself, and I HATE that feeling.

Then Adam called.

He called to say nothing else, but "I love you."
And in that moment, my day turned around. All those little things suddenly weren't getting to me, and everything wasn't so irritating after all. Sometimes that's all it takes. A phone call, or maybe a note from someone who loves you to make you realize your day isn't nearly as bad as you thought.

So call someone you love. Who knows what kind of day they are having, and maybe your phone call will make them smile.

Tenley boo

"The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow, for children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow. So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep. I’m rocking my baby and babies don't keep. ”
Ruth Hamilton

My baby is growing so fast! She has been in our lives for a short 4 months, but it feels as if I have never lived a day without her. As I write this, she is fast asleep, and has been for the last 3 hours. I have been so blessed with a baby that LOVES to sleep. 12 consecutive hours at night, and 2-3, three+ hour naps in the day.

But I miss her.

I can`t wait to hear her sweet little giggle when she wakes up, and then to see her HUGE smile when I go to get her from her crib. I LOVE my Tenley. She is everything we could ever ask for, and we are LUCKY that heavenly father has trusted us with this sweet little spirit.

a quick update

Im finally going to start blogging!! iv wanted to for so long, but haven't been able to figure out how to make my page perfect and cute... and as you can see it definitely is not perfect or cute, but it will have to do for now until i figure it out.
So many exciting things are happening in our lives right now, and i get way too busy with everyday life to let everyone know whats going on, so this will be a great way to keep friends and family updated!
Adam, Tenley and I are moving to Winnipeg next week, and we'll be there until September. Adam and I have moved around together a lot, but not since we've had Tenley so im anxious to see how well she adjusts to our new home for the summer. Shes so easy going and laid back that im thinking she will be just fine. This time of year is always so crazy for us, as we get ready to leave for another selling season. Adam is so great at staying calm and relaxed, and he never shows that he stressed... even though i know he really is. Although we are leaving our new home that I love, I always get pretty excited for the summer and i really like moving to a different city every year. it makes life interesting.
leaving our house in Calgary is kinda sad because I'v become obsessed with decorating and trying to make our house look cute. I dont think i have really decided what my 'style' is, but im slowly getting there. iv done a few little home projects and bought some things that im really happy with. There are a few pieces of furniture that iv found that i want to refinish so badly, but cant do much until we have nice weather and that doesnt look like it will be happening before we leave :( so that will all have to wait.