Whats in my Purse

I've been seeing this tag all over some of my favourite blogs and YouTube channels, and always find it so fun to see whats in other peoples bags. I dont know why thats entertaining but, it seems to get a little more personal with the people you already feel like you know.
So after my friend Liz did a "whats in my purse" post, I thought it would be fun to follow suit and show you whats in MY purse.
I didn't alter my bag at all. Didn't discard anything or add anything. I basically dumped my purse out the way it was at the time and took pictures. So obviously the items can vary, but good thing for me, I had cleaned out my purse this week ;)

So I'll start with the purse itself. I really do believe in buying a few really good investment pieces when it comes to purses, and having them for a long time. Ones that will be versatile, and always in style. Im not someone who has a huge variety of purses, I have a few really good quality ones that I interchange from time to time but I usually cant be bothered so I stick with one for quite a few months.
This bag is fairly new to me. I got it about 2 months ago when I was looking for a good spring/summer bag. I typically carry very classic purses in black leather or tan, but I thought it would be fun to have a bag with a little pop of colour. Im LOVING mint right now (I was on the lookout for either a mint or a blush coloured purse) and found this one at Coach. This is the Legacy Leather Medium Candace Carryall in mint. I love it because of all the compartments and pockets on the inside. I lose my phone constantly, and there is a handy little pocket on the inside that I can slip it right into without having to dig through the seemingly bottomless pit. It has two zippered pockets on the inside and one on the outside. Mint is a super trendy colour right now, so it doesn't exactly fit the description of being "classic" or timeless, but the shape and structure of the bag is, and the leather is to die for. It feels like butter its so smooth. This purse comes with large tassels on one of the handles but I took those off cause they aren't really my thang.









Right now Im not carrying around too many things that I dont use or are unnecessary, because like I said I just cleaned out my purse. So I've got my Victories Secret sparkly clutch that I carry my many many lip glosses in. (more on that in a little bit) and my Kate Spade wallet that Adam bought me for our 3 year anniversary In Scottsdale Arizona. I love this wallet. Its big enough that it holds what I need, but not so big that it allows me to accumulate a bunch of junk and useless receipts.
Then I have some gum, which that Excel isn't my favourite, but I had it kicking around the house so it works, a couple of Annies hair bows, some girly things, a hair tie, and the last of my FAVOURTIE mints from Ruths Chris... mmm they are to die for. Whenever we go, Adam and I grab heaps of these and make a run for it. (my SIL Karinas Austrailian ways are rubbing off on me. I never say "heaps" but I have been catching myself say it more and more lately)
Then I always have a notepad and pen with me, which I always think is such a great idea, but I never actually write anything down in it. It has however come in handy when tenley spontaneously needs to draw a picture when we're out and about.
I ALWAYS have a pair of sunglasses with me. Right now I'm carrying my Dolce and Gabbana pair which aren't my go to glasses, but I cant seem to find my favourite ones right now, so these are my backup. I never used to own good sunglasses and always just bought the $7.00 pairs from forever 21 and had like 10 different pairs at any given time, but my eyes are SUPER sensitive, so I have splurged on a few really good pairs to help protect my eyes. The difference is amazing, and my squint lines in between my eyes thank me.
I like to have with me a few different hand lotions, the ones I have on me right now are just an OPI lotion from christmas that smells like candy canes which I love, and a Korres body butter in Guava. It is A-mazing. love love love that hand cream.
I have a hand sanitizer that is so useful when changing diapers on the go, and an old soother that belongs to Tenley. I guess I carry that for emergencies only, because She doesn't take a soother anymore besides bed time.
I have a few gift cards for Frilly Lilly that need to be used up, but my time for manis and pedis has drastically decreased lately so they will have to wait. A few Diapers and wipes obviously... that wipes packet is empty, so its a good thing I took everything out and noticed that.
Theres a pair of Air Canada head phones in there that I didn't know about, a package of Kleenex from my grandpas funeral given to me by one of my sisters... Elizabeth or Farrah I think.
Several old grocery lists that need to be thrown out, and then theres Tenley and Annies Immunization records.

Heres a little peek into my lip gloss bag... its slightly embarrassing and shows a minor portion of my addiction to lip products. I assure you, this isn't even close to half of the glosses, lip sticks, scrubs, tints and balms that I own. These are just the ones I use on a regular basis.






I really do carry all of those with me, and my collection increases quite regularly. (thanks Amaris)
I've got anything from MAC, to YSL, to Revlon, to Wet n' Wild in there, and I love them all.

So there ya have it! a little look into the things I carry with me on a regular basis. I do carry a diaper bag also, so sometimes I'm switching things between my purse and my diaper bag, but just at this moment, this was what I have in there.

p.s I do carry my Phone with me, but I was using it to take the pictures so thats why its not featured.

I want to see what you carry in your purse!!

a little back story and a Juice fast

Ive been obsessed with my weight for as long as i can remember. As a little girl i was chubby, and held onto my "baby fat" for a little longer than most. I had great friends, and a loving family so it never seemed to bother me..until i was about 12. The insecurities came right on schedule, and along with that came a sort of hatred for my body and appearance. I grew up a swimmer. i grew up with a beautiful pool in the backyard, and was always in swimming lessons. I was great at swimming! it was one thing i KNEW i could do a lot better than most other kids my age. So I joined a competitive swim team, and loved it. My skills only increased as my time in the water became more frequent. I won several swim meets and would always place top 2. My dream and goal at the time was to train and qualify for the olympics. I was probably well on my way, since I was a more advanced swimmer than those on my team. Then the dreaded teenage years came, and my priorities shifted. I didn't want to be at practice on friday/saturday nights. i wanted to be out with my friends. Eventually i chose friends and a social life over my dreams and my talents. Swimming really helped me get in shape and suddenly that "baby fat" was gone. Around this same time, I was starting to get noticed at school a little differently. Boys paid more attention to me, new girls wanted to be my friend, and I thought it was amazing. I had lost a lot of weight from swimming and just growing up, that i became more confident in myself. (or what i thought was confidence) anyways, longgggg story short, I changed. Quite drastically. I became obsessed with counting calories and working out in my room so no one could see. I was sad. Trying to attain perfection was impossible. my parents and close friends were worried about me, while i was hoping no one would notice. oddly enough, i wanted everyone to notice. i wanted the compliments, but i didnt want the nagging. This went on for years. Fast forward many many years, and many many personal trials, and i was finally at a place where i was truly happy with myself. Then Adam found me. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. I was in a place in my life where i could let someone else love me, because i loved me. fast forward again. 2 wonderful, amazingly beautiful, adorably happy kids later... the insecurities are back. I found it difficult to take off all the weight with tenley, and never quite got back to where i wanted to be, but im finding it especially difficult to do it this time around. I still have those obsessive thoughts in the back of my mind as i did when i was younger, only this time i have 3 people to think of before i think of myself. Its a hard reality when you find it difficult to look at yourself in the mirror. my kids are worth every pound, every stretch mark, and all the aches and pains that come along with carrying a child, but i want to be confident and exude that confidence to others. So adam and I started a juice fast on Monday (march 18) im really looking forward to taking control of my health, and to be proud of what i can accomplish. I started this fast thinking i would do it for 7 days. Now, I'm going for 30. I am so determined to cleanse my body, kick start losing the baby weight, and finishing this big goal i've set for myself. My head is so in this, that i'm not even letting the cravings set in. Once they do, i so quickly take my mind off it, and push through. Watching the documentary "Fat Sick and Nearly Dead" has really changed my perspective, and has given me the push i need to do this all the way. so i want to start documenting my juice fast experience, mainly because it will hold me accountable, but also to look back on and see how much my mind set has changed, and hopefully how i see food. 'Cause in 27 days, i know ill be GLAD i did this, and have NO regrets.

my sweet Annie

I really want to write out all my feelings about the past week before they are gone from my memory, and too foggy to recall. The past few days have been a bit of a sleepless blur. A beautiful, peaceful, emotional, sleepless blur. Annie joined our family on Tuesday morning and forever changed our lives. She was born at 3:16am, Tuesday December 18. A gorgeous baby girl weighing 8.13lbs and 20.5 inchs long. When I think about that night, the pain, tears, fear, frustration, anticipation, joy, bliss, I can't help but think about the amazing miracle a new born is. The whole 10 month process, from start to finish is so amazing, and is one of the biggest reminders to me that God has a plan, and it is perfect and it includes all of us. The fact that she is here now, sleeping beside me as I write this, and only 4 days ago I was keeping her safe and nurturing her inside me blows my mind. What a beautiful gift birth is. My labor and delivery this time was so different than the last time. This time I had midwives. I can't say enough amazing things about midwifery care, and how much more I enjoyed my prenatal care with them opposed to with a doctor like last time. I was determined to do this delivery without an epidural. I had one with Tenley, and I can honestly say it was great! I was able to sleep, and feel no pain for the majority of my labor. But like I said, I was determined to go without this time, because I knew my body was capable of doing it on its own. I remember sitting in the birthing tub, thinking there was no possible way I could take anymore pain and screaming out for that epidural. (I was 10cm dilated at that point so it couldn't happen anyways) I know that any way a women gives birth is amazingly strong, but doing it without an epidural this time gave me such a sense of accomplishment. Like since i had done that on my own,I could literally do anything. I delivered Annie in the birthing tub, and Adam actually delivered her! It was amazing to share that with him, and have him lay her on my chest. Even though this was the hardest thing I have ever done, I would do it a million times over knowing Annie was the end result. I was only in the hospital for a total of 5 hours. She was born an hour after we arrived, and we were sent home 4 hours later. It was awesome! No sitting around in post pardum for 24 hours, in an uncomfortable bed, forced to eat yucky hospital food. We had left the house that night to have a baby while Tenley was asleep, and we got home with a baby in hand before she had even woken up. Im so happy with our family of 4. I love being able to say "the girlS" I love seeing Tenley light up when Annie is in the room. I love seeing my big strong husband hold our tiny girl and suddenly he melts. Or even better, when he's holding them both and I see so much love in his eyes for his girls. I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude and love right now, my heart might burst. Although the lack of sleep is starting to take a toll on me, I know it's only temporary. The sad part is, rocking Annie to sleep at night, getting up to feed her, comforting her, those things are temporary too. In the middle of the night, those things are hard to remember, but I really want to soak up every minute of her incredible innocence and newborn-ness (?) Having an extremely independent 2 year old has reminded me that these things won't last forever. Being Tenley and Annie's mom is the greatest blessing. I am so lucky to be able to raise these sweet girls with Adam, and to Grow and become a better person for them and because of them. I love my family so much, and am thankful everyday for the gifts they are to me.

Acts of love

I saw the cutest elderly couple in a parking lot today. The little old man was taking a huge wheelchair out of the trunk of his car, along with the many pieces it came with. He was attaching all four wheels, and the handles. This clearly was not a very modern chair, and he seemed so farmiliar with how it all worked. His cute little wife sat patiently in the passenger seat with her stocking covered feet hanging outside of the car. She seemed to be quite used to the routine as well. Once he was done assembling the wheelchair he slowly walked it over to her and lifted her out of the car and into the chair he had spent about 10 minutes working on. She looked up at him with a smile on her face and with what I could see were no words, but so clearly a "thank you" was given and received. This couple had to have been in their mid-late 80's and probably have been together for close to 60 years! (of course this part of the story I'm just speculating but it sounds reasonable) it touched my heart to see such love and devotion to one another after all those years. It reminded me of my own grandparents and the example of love and commitment they are to me. In my grandmas last years, my grandpa dedicated his life to helping her and making her life easier. For years she supported him as they raised a family and he worked, and when it came time to support her while she struggled with daily tasks he was there without complaint. Such a simple act in the Walmart parking lot, and something that little old couple probably would never think twice about, really touched me and made me want to work harder for those I love.

So excited to finally be able to say...

Lots to update, but I'll start with the most important. Adam and I are expecting baby #2!! My last post was about my new diagnosis, and how scary that was for me. Well since then I did an intense cleanse, and have had several follow up ultrasounds to monitor the cysts. Shortly after my Cleanse I had an ultrasound that showed a significant decrease in the amount of cysts on my ovaries. (sorry tmi) my doctor was quite pleased with how everything was looking and how my nearly 17 cysts had decreased to only a few and that the ones that were still hanging around had shrunk by more than half. I was so excited, and my spirits were up and more hopeful than ever that we could have a really good chance at getting pregnant. Shortly after that, my grandma passed away. It was such a sad time for my family, especially since I have never lost a grandparent, I had no idea what it would feel like when one would actually leave us here on earth. The morning my grandma passed, I had an overwhelming feeling that I was pregnant. I didn't want to take a test, and then have to tell my family great news in a time where we all needed to grieve. So I set my feelings aside for a few days. I flew home that same day to be with my family and to be able to go to her funeral. It was an amazing week full of so many spiritual experiences I won't ever forget. A few days after the funeral, and all the chaos of that week had passed I took a test and sure enough it was positive!! I felt so blessed and took a few more tests just to let it sink in:) We are so thrilled to welcome a new sweet baby into our family. This pregnancy has been polar opposite from my first. Every pregnancy symptom you can think of, I'm experiencing this time around whereas with tenley it was such a breeze. I'm so anxious to know what this little guy or girl will look like, what kind of personality he/she will have, will this baby be as funny and crazy as tenley?? She is going to be such a great sister, I can already tell. She loves kids so much and nothing makes her more excited as having kids around to play with. So I'm 12 weeks now, and due on December 7. Tenleys birthday is dec. 12, so it's going to be an extra busy month For us. We couldnt be more excited!!!

Choose Faith

I am a major worrier.
i always have been, but it seems to get worse as i get older, and obtain more responsibility.
So imagine my worry when I find out that there may be something wrong with my health, and my ability to have a few more little ones.
I have a completely common (yet still scary) disorder called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. (PCOS)
When the doctor gave me the results of my ultrasound last week, and told me I have PCOS, I had heard the term before but had no clue what that meant.
I was so terrified, and instantly thought of all the worst case scenarios.
Like I would never be able to get pregnant again.
Or I would need some kind of drastic surgery that would put me into menopause instantly.
And that if I did get pregnant, the miscarriage rate of someone with PCOS is 40%.

I drove home from that appointment discouraged, and feeling so alone.
i saw my dreams of multiple children running around my house fade as I thought there surly is no hope for me carrying another child.
But like i said, I'm a worrier, and I can often jump to conclusions without having all the information.
After doing more research on the topic, i have learned that it is absolutely possible for me to have more kids, and although it may be harder for me to get pregnant (and stay pregnant) it will happen again for us.
Adam and I are definitely at the point where we would welcome any new little spirit into our lives, and I think thats what makes this diagnosis so hard. The fact that I feel like I'm not in control of my own body.
So I have multiple tests and appointments coming up, where doctors will keep an eye on everything, and hopefully give me more answers about what my options are.
I know I am not alone in this, and its so common with girls my age, but the knowledge of that doesn't make the reality of whats going on in my body any less scary.

Talking about this and explaining the way i feel is really difficult for me.
To try and convey to someone the anxiety it gives me is nearly impossible.
I'm not trying to make this seem like the end of the world, or the worst thing that could ever happen to a person, but I worry... about the unknown.
About all the questions I have that haven't been answered.
I know this is a time for me to turn to my Heavenly Father and pray for encouragement and strength.
And so I will.

Joy

I left Tenley for the first time a few weeks ago, when Adam and I went to Hawaii for 10 days.
it was bliss to get away with him and reconnect just the two of us, in a romantic place, doing things we haven't been able to do in a long time. My love for him grows more each day, and it was amazing to just be us again.

But leaving Tenley was insanely difficult.
We dropped her off at my sisters on Sunday night, then came home to our empty house where I looked around and cried.
Cried that she wasn't in her room fast asleep, and that I was going to miss the next 10 days of her life.

She is so special to me. She is a light in my life, and being without her seems so unnatural.
She makes me so happy, so proud- so full.
She has brought meaning to my life that I never knew existed.
When she came, something changed in me forever.

I have so much love for this little girl, and so many hopes and dreams for her.
I pray that she will know and love and serve God as she grows older. I cannot wait to see her chase her dreams.

Its safe to say that I don't want to leave her for a long time.
While being with Adam and no other distractions was wonderful, my heart is so full when the three of us are together.