Balance

Sometimes as parents, its hard to believe (or remember) that you were ever anything else.
Sometimes I forget that at one point it was just me and Adam.
That was before bottles, and poop, and a crying baby.
There was a time where we could walk out the door at the drop of a hat and not worry if we were forgetting anything.
When leaving the house didn't include going through my mental list of bringing a diaper bag full of everything Tenley might need in case of any kind of emergency.
Has she had enough to eat so that she is content for these few errands?
Do I have a soother? or two or three incase she drops one on the ground?
Did I pack her an extra sweater incase it gets cold in the next few hours?
Did I grab the cheerios for her to snack on?
Do i have enough diapers? Wipes?

By now, its like no other routine ever existed.
Like I was never anything other than a mom.
Its hard to imagine that there was a time where I got ready and looked nice EVERY day. (i probably wear sweats far more often than my husband would like)
And there was a time where I NEVER would have had a cheerio or two stuck to my bum... These days thats not an unlikely occurrence.

Tonight was precious to me.
Adam and I went out and I was reminded that Im not JUST a mom.
Im a wife, and a best friend, and those are things I cant forget along this journey of motherhood.
Adam and I went on a simple date tonight. Not even a planned date necessarily, but we decided to go the driving range on this beautiful afternoon. It was so fun to just be goofy, and play around.
Then we dropped Tenley off at my sisters house and went out for wing night.
It was simple and wonderful.
Tonight reminded me of the months Adam and I had falling in love and how special that time in my life is to me.
The best part of it is, when Adam and I are out on a date, just the two of us, I still get those same butterflies in my tummy just like I did when we were dating. But now we get to go home together, and go snuggle our baby girl when the night is over.

So now my quest is balance.
Im afraid i've lost mine.
To find myself again in this journey, but to first and foremost be the absolute best mommy I can be to my sweet girl.
I have decided the need to bring things back into my life that are just for ME. As a mom, we tend to think of everyone else first.
So first order of business, I'm remodeling a toy box I bought on kijiji for super cheap.
if it turns out anything like I'm envisioning, I may even blog about it....

Just a thought

"You are the trip I didn't take,
You are the pearls I cannot buy.
You are my blue Italian lake,
You are my piece of foreign sky."
-Anne Campbell












Being your momma, is an honor and a privlidge.
Anything else just wouldn't seem right.
Thank you for all the beautiful memories, and for the countless ones to come.
I wouldn't trade this time with you for the world!

Happy Birthday Adam!

This is the second year in a row that Adam and I are apart on his birthday. Which is super sad because birthdays are pretty much my favourite thing.
EVER.
Last year i didnt make his actual birthday very special because I thought we would just celebrate it when he came back. And we did, but I still feel bad that he didnt have anything to open on his birthday. bad wife.
So this year I had to think a little outside the box and figure out how I could get something to his hotel room in Prince Rupert BC. Im so happy with out these turned out, and thought it would be a nice gift for him to "open" on the day of his birth- The other parts of his present I will give to him when hes back home. But for now, here is mine and Tenleys way of saying happy birthday, and a few words about why I love him so much!



As i look back on my life, I cant help but realize its all been preparing me for you.
Everything good or bad, has brought me here, to this life we share.
I used to pray at night, that God would protect "you" and keep you safe until one day I would be able to take over. I didn't know who "you" were, but my heart was preparing me for a love only found in fairy tales.
When I met you, I knew my prayers had been answered.
You are far more than I deserve, and more than my wildest dreams could have dreamt.
Thank you for bringing laughter, joy, wonder, happiness, spontaneity, and love into my life.
You make each day worth living.
Your laugh and your smile light up my world.
Thank you for loving me even in my darkest hours.
And Adam, thank you for being born!
Thanks for making my life wonderful, and for giving me the greatest gift of all.
You my love, are one in a million.

Tenley and I had these birthday pictures taken for you, and we hope you love them!
xox












WE LOVE YOU, and cant wait till you're home.

Ergo Cocoon

Tenley will be 9 months next week!
How did this happen? I seriously feel like i just brought her home.

But with that said, I have swaddled her since the day she was born, and still swaddle her every nap, and every night.
Shes severely addicted.
She is QUITE OCD when it comes to her sleep habits, which is good and bad I suppose.
She can be super wired and playful, but the second I swaddle that girl up, she knows its nap time, and falls asleep in minutes.
But really, there is no way she will fall asleep without it (unless she falls asleep in her car seat which JUST started happening since our road trip from Winnipeg to Calgary)
I tried her in a sleep sack, and let me tell you it was a traumatic experience for her.
She just cried and cried and then when i went in to see her she would look at me like "mom, how could you do this to me?"
Everyday it gets harder and harder to swaddle her, because she fights it. She hates getting all wrapped up in her straight jacket, but its the only way she will sleep!
Today I found what I hope is the solution to my swaddling-a-9-month-old-baby problem.
its called the Ergo Cocoon.
so its a zip up baby swaddle that slowly converts into a sleep sac as the baby is ready.
AH-mazing

http://www.ergopouch.com.au/swaddle.html
(please excuse me if you all have heard of this and I'm totally out of the loop. It happens.)

So i will try it out today, and she how she likes it, and report back.

Any moms out there have a solution to their baby addicted to the swaddle problem? Cause at this rate i will be doing it till shes 10.

Baby Talk

Lately, a lot of my friends have been having babies or getting pregnant.
So obviously all this baby talk has got me thinking...
Iv been thinking about how soon I want to hop back on the pregnancy train, and about how much I really enjoyed being pregnant!
i know, i know, my baby is still VERY much a baby, and at 9 months old maybe i shouldn't be thinking about an already new addition, but its hard not to!
Adam and I always said that 2 years is a good amount of time in between children. That way, they are close enough in age to HOPEFULLY be really good friends, they aren't too far apart where they will never WANT to be friends, I feel i can most likely handle an infant and a 2 year old, and that way I will be done having kids at a young age, and have lots of time to spend with them :)
Ok, so 2 years apart means that I should be pregnant by February... ummm excuse me?! that sounds way too soon...

After "doing the math" i figured I really have to relax about this whole thing... that maybe it doesn't have to be like clock work, and i need to just let it happen when it feels right for my little family.
NOT because my calendar says so.
So maybe i will be pregnant in February.
Who knows.
But maybe It will take a few years, and thats ok too. Because right now, all i want to do is enjoy this sweet baby I have, and keep her a baby as long as possible.
Making her a big sister just about blows my mind at this point, and Im not quite really for that kind of mind blowing.

Long distance love

In less than a week Adam leaves for a whole month!!
Crazy, right?
Thinking about it makes me think of all the ways I can possibly stop him from leaving, but I know it inevitable.
For example, maybe I can be "running a little late" and he misses his flight??
Probably not tho.
So this week I'll be stealing extra cuddles, hugs and kisses, and soaking in every minute with my love.
How did I EVER live 20 years without him?

Sometimes, it's ok to...

Iv been on a blogging hiatus.
Perhaps its been the writters block.
Or maybe it was from lack of stories from my all too boring life over the past 6 weeks.
This month has been eye opening for me.
I have learned a lot about myself, as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend.

I have learned to cherish EVERY moment with Adam, in this life we have chosen together and created. That being there for him, and supporting him in everything he does is my goal and an amazing opportunity that i have as a wife of a very driven man. He is constantly trying to improve himself, and works so hard for the life we have, and i am BLESSED to be there every step of the way, walking by his side. I dont want to take any moment of this life with him for granted. Being apart from him Makes my heart ache, which is why I'm dreading this upcoming week, and wish I could stop this moment in time.... Pause.
Ahhh, wouldn't that be awesome?!

I have had a new awakening in motherhood. And I am admitting that it's HARD, and I don't know how some people do it on their own, and that somedays I cry and breakdown.
But that's ok.
Because being a mom is the hardest thing I'll ever do, and also the most amazing. It has shaped my life and made me a new person.
It has challenged me, and sometimes I feel that I fall short of these challenges.
But at the end of the day, i have tried my best, and I and (every mother) should give themselves more credit.
Because I would go to the ends of the earth for this baby girl.

So when I think of these last "boring" 6 weeks, I can't say I haven't learned anything.
I guess my biggest challenge has been admitting to myself that I can't do it all, and that I'm not meant to. Certain people were put into my life to go through all these experiences with me.
So let them in!